Little Buddy

Every time I see a little kid run up to someone or see a kid with his dad, I tend to think, "Man, it would be so cool to have a little buddy," or, "Having a son would be the coolest thing ever." For example, I work with the preschoolers at church. Some of the kids run up to me when I get there and ask me to play chase or have dinosaurs eat my hair, but they're always so much more excited when their dad or mom comes to pick them up, which is definitely a good thing, though. I wouldn't want someone's kid to like me more than them. It just makes me feel a little upset to know that I can only be with them for that hour and a half. I seem to finally get the kids to do something with me or actually open up and talk to me, and then they leave. It really makes me wish that I had a son that I could love and care for all of the time. Of course, I can't have a kid right now, but                         that doesn't mean that I don't want to have a son. It's been crossing my mind a lot lately. Unfortunately, with the thing that God has told me to do with my life (if you don't know what that thing is, click this), I don't think I will be able to have a kid, which really makes me distressed. After thinking about it a little deeper, though, I realize that the kids I work with in Mexico are my little buddies and are like my own kids. I treat them exactly the way I would my own, anyway. Also, the kids that I'll be helping later on down the road will become like my kids as well. God has placed these specific kids in my life for me to lead them in the life they should live and to be that big buddy for them. Even though I don't get to be with them now, I often stop myself and think, "I'll be with them soon enough. No need to be upset over things here in the states. They're waiting for me."

It's true. They are waiting for me. I called Carlos a few days ago, and he asked me when I was coming back and how many days that was. He always asks me that. That definitely reassures me and lets me know that at least he still wants me to be there and is awaiting my return. I'm sure at least some of the other kids do, too. I just haven't been able to talk to them. I'm supposed to be returning soon (January 15), but I'm still waiting for the funds to come in. I know God is going to provide the right people who can donate to me and help me stay down there with the kids instead of having to leave them again. I couldn't bare to have to leave them again. If you feel like you're one of those people who can donate to me, whether it be one time or monthly, and can help me stay with my kids instead of having to leave them once again, please feel free to go right ahead. If you have any questions at all about what I'll be doing once I go back, please read this first. If you still need to, feel free to email me at daniel.ratz92@gmail.com, and I will gladly answer any questions you may have. Currently, I am no where near the financial goal that I am trying to reach, so if you are in the right position to give, and you feel that this is something you should do, know that any amount is greatly appreciated. Please prayerfully consider it, and help me be able to return to mis bebés again.

"But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” Mark 10:14-15

"But Jesus looked at them and said, 'With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.'" Mark 10:27

It's More Than Just Playing Games

Being back home in the United States, I've had people tell me that they're proud of what I'm doing in Mexico. A few others, though, don't agree completely with what I'm doing. I've been told, "Stop wasting your life and do something that's worth something," and, "Playing with kids all day isn't going to get you anywhere." When I hear these things, it hurts. A lot. Especially knowing the people that these things come from. No matter how many times I explain, they don't seem to get it. What I do has a lot of worth, and it's more than just playing games:

For the kids who don't have many friends, I'm there to be that friend. Whether it be because they are poorer than the other kids or aren't liked by the other kids for some reason, I'm there to show them that those things don't matter to me, that no matter what you've done or what your financial status is, I love you for you, and nothing can change that.

For the kids that have a very poor family life and don't have much structure, I'm there to be that good example for them. I'm there to show them what they should do and to pull them away from what they shouldn't do. I'm there to show them what Jesus would do in those situations and to lead them in the way that Jesus lived. I'm there to guide them along the right path, the path that they're intended to live.

For the kids who aren't loved, who are broken, who feel worthless, who think that there's nothing left to live for, who are alone, I'm there to be there for them, but, more importantly, to show them the One who is always there. I'm there to prove to them that there is more to life than what they're living and to show them the life that God intended them to live. I'm there to show them that they are worth it, that I've given up my whole life just to be with them, and, more importantly, to show them how much worth they have in Jesus as well. I'm there to show them the true peace and joy from God that can mend any broken heart. I'm there to show them the true love of God that sees past the faults, past the insecurities, past anything that may seem bad or dirty or wrong. I'm there to give that hug, to be that father-figure, and to lead them to the true Father, who gives relentlessly everything we need without finding fault. I'm there to show them that no matter what happens, no matter who rejects them, no matter who abandons them, that I am there, and that God is always there, and He will never leave them nor forsake them.

If it wasn't for God changing my heart and making me a such better person than I was in the past, I wouldn't be doing any of this. God changed me for the better, and I'm glad He did. If anyone disagrees with what I'm doing, then they can. Will that stop me from pursuing the calling that God has placed on my life? Not a chance. My life is more than just being a playmate. It's about bringing the true love, joy, and peace from God to these kids, whether it be by playing tag or by just giving them the attention they deserve. Nothing will ever stop me from living the new life God has given me.

"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." - 1 Corinthians 15:58

Personal Profile: Older Carlos

Older Carlos, Gabi, and me

Name: Carlos (I refer to him as Older Carlos so that he's not confused with Carlos)

Age: 12

Grade: 5th(?)

Family: Señor Carlos (dad), Mom (name unknown), Claudia, Gabi (younger sisters), Tuco (younger brother), Ximena, and Valeria (baby sisters)

Moroni, me, Octavio, Ximena, and older Carlos

Favorite thing: Not sure, but he does enjoy soccer a lot.

I met Older Carlos when I returned to Mexico. He came over to the church with his other siblings when I first returned. I don't remember what exactly happened when I first met him. I probably just asked him what his name was, and then he began to play with me and the other kids.

Older Carlos can be all over the place with how he acts. One moment, he can be super helpful, then he's being disruptive. He can be caring, and the next moment he's throwing rocks at people. Overall, I love this kid. He's a good kid deep down. He is a great helper. He came to Walmart with me and Carlos one day and helped me carry my groceries home. He complained the whole way home and made me very frustrated, but still, he helped (check out this post for the full story). Older Carlos is caring, as well. Whenever I'm feeling upset (depending on if he was a contributing factor to my upset mood) he'll usually ask why and try to make things better.

Carlos tends to get angry and fight. A lot. I've caught him several times fighting with other kids, whether it be verbally or physically. It's verbally most of the time. I've broken up one of his physical fights before. At first, I wasn't sure if I should step in and do something, but after I saw Carlos get forcefully punched in the head, I decided that I needed to do something, so I stepped in and broke it up. I sent the other kid home, and I had a talk with Carlos about why he was fighting the kid. He told me that the kid was saying bad things about his sister or his family. I then told him that that wasn't the right way to go about it and that he needed to tell someone if that was happening. I'm not sure if that was the right way to solve the problem, but that's how you handle it in America (which probably means it was the wrong way to do it since Mexico and America are two VERY different places). There was more that was said, but that was basically it. I continued to help him with his anger problem after that. It lessened, but it still was a problem. He told me before I left that he noticed that before I came, he would fight a lot. For some reason, that's all he said, but I think he meant that he acted worse before I came. It was awesome to see that he noticed a good change in his life, and it involved me, but all of the glory and honor goes to God, not me. If it wasn't for God giving me the words (in Spanish) to say to him, I don't think anything would have gotten accomplished.

Please pray that Older Carlos receives the true peace and joy that he needs. Pray that he stops the fighting and replaces it with love. Pray that he understands how much he needs Jesus as his personal Savior, as he does not have Him in his life. Pray for his whole family to receive true salvation, as well. Pray that God uses me to continue reaching out to him and that God gives me the words to say to him whenever a situation may arise. He's an awesome kid, and I don't want him to live another day without Jesus in his life.

My Missions Video

I made this video sharing statistics/clips of the kids in Mexico. Take the time to check it out, and feel free to share it with your friends!

Missionary for Life

I'd thought I'd give everyone an update on what is happening right now and what is going to happen next in my life, so here it is:

I'm currently still looking for people to help financially support me in the calling God has placed on my life. The cost to help the kids in Mexico for one year is $13,000, which includes housing, food, communication, materials for the kids' program, etc. The date I'm looking at to leave is Tuesday, January 15, 2013. I know that God will supply everything before that time. My complete trust is in Him. He's brought me this far, so I know that He won't let me down. I know that He'll lead the right people my way who are able to support me in this amazing life He has called me to live. If you feel like you are one of those people, you can donate to the right of this post, either a one-time donation or a monthly donation. Please do not feel obligated to give. If you are in a position that you are able to donate, no matter what the amount may be, it is very greatly appreciated.

Once I am in Mexico,  I will continue helping Pastor Elvis at his church, Mision Familiar Bethlem. I will be helping with the worship team, drama team, and the Saturday kids' program. I'm also praying for fresh, new ideas that I can incorporate into the Saturday program to get even more kids to come. I'll also continue to help the kids in the area, whether it be with school, resolving problems, encouraging them to live like Jesus, or just simply being there for them. A lot of the kids don't receive the amount of attention or love that they deserve, and one of my goals is to give them God's perfect love and to give them all of the attention I can. Kids need love, and what better love to give than God's perfect love? If I didn't receive the love and attention that I so desperately needed when I was in middle school and high school, I possibly wouldn't be here, and I definitely wouldn't be doing what I am doing today. If I didn't truly experience God's amazing love and have someone show me that love, I would still be the hurt, depressed kid that I was. I do not want any of my kids going through what I went through, so I want to be able to show them God's amazing, real love now while they are still young. I want them to be able to grow up knowing how real God is and how worth it they are to Him. I want them to understand that He is there for them in every situation, that they can turn to Him for any problem they might have, and that He will never leave them nor forsake them. I will also continue being there for the rest of the people as well.

Every other weekend, I will visit Niños de la Promesa, the orphanage I was visiting before, so that they become completely comfortable with me being there. Once this is accomplished, I will then ask to do an internship with them, where I will learn how they do things at their orphanage and be involved with them on a daily basis. Once I learn everything I need to know about how to run an orphanage, I will then return to Mision Familiar Bethlem and help Pastor Elvis with his dream of running an orphanage.

Again, this isn't just another two-month missions trip. This is what God has called me to do with my life. I will be permanently living in Mexico and possibly visiting on occasion. If I do visit, I will probably bring one of my kids with me, haha. I can't leave them again. I'll make sure that everything is perfect and that everything will work out, so don't fret about that, haha. Also, how cool would it be for one of them to be able to experience America? I don't know if that will work out, but one can pray, can't he? Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Please pray for me: for safety,  for God to use me in the most effective way to reach these kids, to tell them everything they need to know about God, and to be able to encourage them in the right way of living their lives. More importantly, please continue to pray for the kids: that their hearts will be open and willing to receive from God, for Him to mend any brokenness, and for Him to break any bondage on their lives. May God bless you abundantly!

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on the earth is named. I pray that according to the wealth of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner person, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, so that, because you have been rooted and grounded in love, you may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and thus to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:14-19

Personal Profile: Miguel y Moroni

(Left to Right) Miguel, Moroni, me, and Carlos

(Left to Right) Miguel and Moroni's sister, Miguel, Moroni, and me

(Left to Right) Moroni, Miguel, me, Octavio, and older Carlos

Names: Miguel and Moroni

Ages: 10(?) and 6(?)

Grades: Not sure.....

Family: Dad, Mom, older brothers/cousins that I do not know, and a little sister (which I forget her name)

Favorite things: Soccer, playing tag, playing tazos (Mexican version of Pogs)



I met Miguel and Moroni at one of our Saturday programs for the kids. I believe it was the first or second one I was involved with. We were playing this potato sack race, except we had to be in teams of two. Everyone had a partner except for Moroni. I decided to partner up with him. The rules were just like a normal potato sack race, except your team had to completely finish before the other one. If your team won, you stayed and versed another team. Moroni is a lot smaller than the other kids, but he is extremely fast. He's almost faster than me! Moroni and I won about six races in a row before losing, which was amazing considering the amount of older kids we versed. After that Saturday, Miguel and Moroni would come by the church whenever I was outside and would play with me and whoever else happened to be outside at the time. Sometimes, I would just be alone, and Miguel and I would play catch with his little ball, which is about 2/3 the size of a baseball. Moroni would be with him most of the time, too. I would also see them whenever I went to the little store that their parents own and run.

Miguel and Moroni are very nice and respectable kids. Whenever they are at the Saturday program or whenever they are around, they are always kind and polite. They listen very well, too. Miguel answers the questions to the Bible story sometimes. A few days after the kids program one week, Miguel asked me where my lions were. After thinking about it, I realized he was referencing the Bible story we had taught them the Saturday before. Also, whenever they are told to do something, they listen right away, as well.

One thing that surprised me about Miguel and Moroni was the impact I made on them. On the last kids program I did, which happened to be the day before I left, Pastora Berenice had asked the kids if they wanted to say anything to me before I left. Miguel was the first one to say something: "I don't want you to leave because I love you." When I heard him say this, I legit almost burst into tears. Never had any of the kids said that to me before. Carlos called me his best friend and said he was going to cry when I left, and Tuco had told me that he didn't want me to leave, but that was the extent of that. It surprised me that it had came from him, too. I didn't really start being with Miguel and Moroni until the last few weeks I was there, so it wasn't like I had a solid relationship with them. I guess our relationship was a lot stronger than I thought. Moroni also played with me the whole day on Sunday before I left. I had given each of them one of my shirts as something to remember me by (the Mario shirt Miguel is wearing in the first two pics is the one I gave to him).

Unfortunately, by not knowing them too well, I'm not exactly sure how their home life is. By their parents owning a store and from what Carlos had told me about their house, they seem pretty well off. One thing I do know, though, is that they don't go to church. Now, they could possibly go to another church, but I don't think they do. the only time Miguel and Moroni get Jesus is when they come to our Saturday program. I don't believe Jesus or God is talked about much in their home. If He is, then I am unaware. When I go back, I'm definitely going to do my best to find out more about them and their family. Please pray that they do know Jesus or will come to know Him very soon. They are very nice kids, and I would be devastated to know that they don't have Jesus. I'm devastated when I know that any of my kids don't have Jesus. Being without money is bad, but being without Jesus is the worst thing ever, and I never want them to be without Jesus, which is the ONLY thing they need.

Personal Profile: Tuco

Name: Tuco

Age: 5

Grade: Kindergarten (His family doesn't have the money for him to go to school, though)

Family: Señor Carlos (dad), Don't know his mom's name, older Carlos (Brother. Not to be confused with Carlos), Claudia, Gabi (older sisters), Ximena, and Valeria (baby sisters)

Favorite things: Toy cars, cookies, and peanut butter sandwiches.

I met Tuco back on the missions trip in June, but I only got to hang out with him at the soccer ball outreach. I ended up giving him a half-hour piggy-back ride that day. He just wouldn't detach from me (refer to video on the left). Once I finally did detach from him, he didn't really talk to me the rest of the trip, unfortunately. I'm not exactly sure why, but when I tried to play/talk to him, he just wouldn't do much.

Despite that incident, Tuco is definitely one of my favorite kids to be with. He's extremely adorable. At first, he wasn't so adorable. Due to his older sisters, he acted mean and would say things he shouldn't. He hardly acts that way anymore. When he's around his older siblings, he tends to act like them a little, which consists of hitting and cussing. When he's away from them, he's one of the sweetest kids. He's a very funny kid. He'll do things or say things that just make me laugh. He's also pretty affectionate, too. The last week I was there, Tuco would come up to me and hold up his arms for me to pick him up and hold him every single time I saw him. For me, this is one of the most adorable things a kid can do. He also would come up to me and ask me to play "carritos" or "conicas" with him, which I did. He didn't do these things at first, but, after a while, he warmed up to me. He was one of the kids who was really upset about me leaving, besides Carlos, of course.

Due to his older sisters, Tuco sometimes behaves incorrectly, like throwing rocks at people/animals, cussing, and fighting. He wasn't doing those things as much before I left, but that was when I was there. I noticed that he does certain things in fear of his older siblings. He's afraid that if he doesn't do those things, then his brother or sisters will hit him. It's mostly Claudia who does this. I can see that he doesn't want to do those things, but fear of being abused overpowers him. He does do some not-so good things on his own, but who doesn't mess up? He also doesn't have the greatest family life in general. His parents aren't home that much, so he's mostly with his eight year-old sister, Gabi, and that's it. I tend to go over there often during those times when it's just them two to play with them or spend time with them, also making sure that they stay out of trouble. It also seems like he doesn't receive the love or attention from his parents that he should. I am there for him as much as I can be, along with his other siblings, so that they receive the love from their Heavenly Father that they so desperately need.

Please pray for him regarding all of these things, as well as his family as well. His family is one of, possibly THE, poorest family in the area. Their yard isn't very clean, and their house is just a little bit bigger than my bedroom. Also, their family is not Christian, so good morals aren't taught in their home. Please pray that Tuco isn't swayed by his surroundings and that he seeks out the right way to live, and that is with Jesus christ in his life. Pray that I am able to show him that importance. Pray that his family sees the importance of salvation as well.

Personal Profile: Carlos

I thought it would be cool to let everyone know about my kids in Mexico, so I have decided to make personal profiles of some of my kids:

Name: Carlos

Age: 8 (His birthday was today! ¡Feliz Cumpleaños, Carlos!)

Grade: 2nd

Family: Hermano Carlos (dad), Hermana Mary (mom), Blanca, Karla, Estefani (older sisters), and Kevin (baby brother)

Favorite thing: Soccer

Carlos was the first kid that I met in Mexico. I've known him ever since the missions trip in June. He's been one of the kids who has spent every day with me while I was there. I mean, his family did feed me almost every day, but still.

I love all of my kids, but Carlos is definitely one of my favorites to hang out with. He has told me that I am his "mejor amigo" numerous times, and I've told him the same. When you first meet him, he's a shy kid, but he opens up after one day. He does a lot of goofy things, which make me laugh. He's also very curious. For example, he asks me what certain words are in English a lot. He says, "What's your name?" and "cookies" a lot. He knows the most English out of all of my kids because of what I've taught him. He also likes to know what I'm talking about whenever I'm talking to someone, haha. He loves Jesus and does his best to show it, too. Of course, sometimes, he'll mess up, but who doesn't? I'm usually right there to guide him in the right direction and to teach him what Jesus would do.

Unfortunately, Carlos has a problem with jealousy. A BIG problem. Thankfully, it's not as big as a problem as it once was, but he still struggles with it. If you've read my other blogs, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If not: whenever I am playing with him and then start to play with another kid, he gets very upset and says I'm not his friend anymore, or whenever I let him do something, then let another kid do what he was doing, he does the same thing. It made me upset at first when he did that, but after the fifth or sixth time, I would straight up just tell him that he needs to stop being jealous. He knew exactly what I meant, and he would usually stop. He's definitely been working on it, and I'm very proud of him. He also told me one day, "I want to be just like you." He said that it's because I spin all of the kids around and can play the drums really well. I guess good to him is being able to keep a steady beat, which I can do, but still, that definitely put a tear in my eye. It's really awesome to know that a kid looks up to me as much as he does.

Please pray for his jealousy problem, as he's still working on that. Also, pray for his whole family as well. His family is one of the poorer families in the church, and they could definitely use prayer. Carlos's family has blessed me so much, and I am so grateful for them. I love Carlos and his family so much, and I am so glad that God has put them in my life.

Giving Just to Give

Today, my mom called me into her room to ask me something. While she was talking, there was some guy preaching on TV. He was talking about giving. He was sharing his story on how he started giving. My mom had to leave somewhere, so she left the room, but I couldn't move my eyes off the TV.

He goes around and preaches at different churches. One day, God told him to tell the pastor to not have the pastor give him any money for being there and speaking at the pastor's church. The pastor told him that no other pastor had ever told him that before. That night, the church, which only had 60 people at that time (it was more of a Bible study thing), held an offering for him. That was the only church he was going to speak at for that whole month. The offering that night just so happened to be enough for the whole month. He thanked God for it, but God told him to give all of it to the missionary who had just spoken before him. He obeyed God and gave the whole check to the missionary. That night, as he was out to dinner with some of the families from the church, one of the guys at the table gave him the EXACT amount, cents and all, of what the offering was worth. The guy happened to write the check before church to give to him. Ever since then, the guy gave whenever God told him to. He also talked about how we should give and not expect something back. Yes, God may bless us, but that shouldn't be our motive into giving. He said that God created giving for us, not Him. He created it to get rid of the selfishness and greed from our lives. He also said, "People are always giving because 'God is going to bless them in return.' When are we going to give just to give?" He also said that God doesn't want to bless us with things if we are just going to be selfish with it. He wants to give to those who are going to bless others with it in return.

All of these things hit me. I mean, I've given tithe when I made money, and I've given an offering every now and then, but that's it. Living with no set job means not receiving an income, which means I don't have a lot to give. At all. $2 in my bank account and $5 I got from my mom for cleaning the floor today. The preacher guy asked everyone, if they could, to this Christian college that he was speaking at. The money was going towards scholarships for kids to go there. I didn't know anything about the college, nor have I heard of it before, but I felt that I should give. I randomly started crying. I had no idea why I was crying, but God put in my heart that He was using that to test me. He was trying to get rid of the selfishness and greed in my heart. Being a missionary, not only do I have to trust completely in God to provide, but I also need to listen to Him when He tells me to do something with what He has blessed me with. I can't just hold on to something just because I feel like I need it. I need to obey God in every situation, no matter what. The guy mentioned the lady with two mites from the Bible, and how that was all she had, but she gave it anyway, and that was extravagant. That really hit me, and I called the number and gave my $2 in my bank account. I don't know how $2 is going to get anyone to college, but I pray that God multiplies that somehow.There was two cents, too, but I didn't want to close out my bank account. Setting up a new bank account is annoying. Anyway, so after that, I was planning on going up to the store to buy a calling card so that I could call Carlos in Mexico. My calling card had run out the other day while I was talking to him, so I needed to get a new one. I was going to use the $5 my mom gave me to buy a calling card. I told God that if He wanted me to give that, too, then I will. God told me that there was a black lady at the bus stop on the way to the store and that He wanted me to give it to her. At first, I thought that I just put that scenario in my head because I was so overwhelmed and wanted to hear God tell me to give it to someone. I then got that thought out of my mind and believed that God told me that. I've never really had anything like that happen to me before, so that's why I was so unsure about it. I have always heard stories about God telling people to give to others, and how that exact person was where God said that person would be, but it never happened to me. I believed that this time God was telling this to me and not me putting this thought in my head. As I approached the bus stop, the usual spot where I cross the street to go to the store, there stood a black lady. I knew right then that she was the person God wanted me to bless. I walked up to her and said, "This may sound weird, but God told me to give this to you." She looked at me as if I was pulling a prank or something.
"What's this for?" she said, puzzled.
"Ma'am, I have no idea. God just told me to give it to you."
"Are you riding the bus?"
"No, I just walked from my house."
"Oh, ok. May Jehovah bless you."
"Thanks, God bless you, too. He loves you very much."

As soon as I turned and walked away, the bus came up, and she got on. Almost immediately after I was done talking to her. That was God. As I walked away, I became so overwhelmed and began to cry. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. I thanked God for using me and prayed that I was a witness to that lady.

This was the biggest lesson in giving God had ever given to me. Here I am, a missionary for God, giving up my life, but I won't obey God give up a meesely two dollars to help someone further his/her education? Here I am, proclaiming that I'm a Christian willing to give up "everything", but I won't listen to His instruction and give five dollars to a poor lady at a bus stop? God has blessed me with so much, and yet here I am trying to hold on to it all. I say, "Thanks, God, for the blessing," and hang on to it like it's the last dime I'm going to get. What's wrong with me? God has given His money to me, and it's my job to bless others with it. Of course, I need to eat and buy things to live, but apart from that, I need to be open to bless others, especially when God tells me to. Not just with money, but with everything. For example, before I left Mexico, Carlos asked if he could have my necklace. I told him that I had given him some things already (which I had) and wanted to keep my necklace. He understood. I wanted to keep it because I was planning on doing something with it, but I never did anything with it. How can I teach him about being selfless if I can't give a little necklace with beads on it away? I don't want him to just ask me for all of my things, either, but still. Also, yesterday, I had gotten a little bag of frosted animal crackers from the thing at my church for Halloween. A kid had asked me if he could have them, but I told him that it was my only bag and that I wanted them. I told him that I had other things I could give him, but he didn't want anything else. How can I be an example for that kid when I'm holding on to a dumb bag of animal crackers? I can always get another necklace or bag of animal crackers, but I'll never be able to change what happened. They probably will forget about it, but still. I don't want my life to portray anything but the love of God, and selfishness and greed aren't part of His love. God used today to get that out of me, and it's never coming back.

Did I ever get my calling card so I could call Carlos? No, but I probably will soon. Will God bless me for what I did? Possibly, but I'm not going to sit here and dwell on how much He's going to bless me or even if He's going to at all. I do know that God's Word says that He rewards those who are faithful to Him, and God's Word is true. Jesus says in Matthew that this world may fall away, but His words never will. I praise God for His blessings, but I don't sit and wonder, "What can I do for God to bless me more?" Not any more. Instead, "What can I do so that God can use me to bless others?" No more selfishness. With anything. Blessings may come, but that's not what's most important. I need to give just to give.


***NOTE: Please don't take this like I'm telling you to give to me. NOT AT ALL. If you feel God telling you to give, then do it, but PLEASE don't feel pressured to give to me in any way. I typed this out to share this amazing lesson that God smacked me in the face with today. I pray you learn from this just as I did. What are your intentions when you give? Do you give so that you can get, or are you giving just to give, sacrificing what you have to bless others? Think about it.

*Update: That night, I got invited to go out to get ice cream with some friends. I wasn't sure if I was going to go or not since I didn't have any money, and my mom asked me why I might not be going. I said that I didn't have money to do something like that. She said that she had given me $5. I ended up explaining to her what happened that day. I didn't expect anything back, but she ended up giving me $5 to get my calling card AND $5 for ice cream. I received $3 more than what I gave. I got blessed when that wasn't my intention. Amen.

Memorable Moments (pt. 7)

Oct. 17

Around 12:30, Tuco was calling my name. I went outside to see what he wanted. Usually, he's with his siblings when he's calling me, but today, he was alone. I asked him what he wanted, and he said that he wanted to play cars with me, but he didn't have his cars. I asked him where they were, and he said that they were in his house. I laughed, thinking he was going to say he lost them or something, but no. I told him to get them so we could play. As he came with the cars, Gabi and Ximena, one of his baby sisters, followed him. We went to the front of the church, where there is smooth cement, to play. I then realized that I needed to call back my good friend, Jon, whom I called before, but he said to call him back. I called him, and I told him that Tuco was with me. Jon wanted to talk to him, so I let him. It was funny yet cool to watch Tuco talk to my friend, Jon, because, at first, Tuco would shake or nod his head instead of saying yes or no as if Jon were right there. I then told Tuco that he needed to say something, so he started talking. Gabi wanted to talk to Jon, too, but Tuco was, so I said to wait until he was done. She got mad and told her mom something to make Tuco come home. That made me upset. I finally got the chance to play with Tuco, and Gabi had to ruin it. I pray I get the chance to play with him again, like him asking me and not vise versa.

After the kids got home from school, I went to see what they were up to since I wasn't doing anything. I saw older Carlos and went with him to the store. Afterward, we went to his house and talked. Claudia was there, too. Older Carlos randomly asked me if I was going to Michigan. I was about to ask him who said that, but then Carlos came over and said that I was. Older Carlos and Claudia looked at me to see what I had to say. I looked at Carlos and said, "Sí, pero ¿que yo dije?" At that, Carlos said oops and covered his mouth. I told him not to tell anyone, and here he was telling other kids, which I was going to wait to tell them until Saturday. Older Carlos looked sad, but Claudia was happy. Literally. I'm not sure if she was like that to cover up her feelings, or if she genuinely was happy that I was leaving. A little later, Tuco came over, and Claudia told him that I was leaving. That made me mad. He looked at me, I confirmed what she said, and he walked into his yard with a sad look on his face and sat behind the wooden fence so that I couldn't see him. I legit almost cried. I especially wanted to wait to tell him because I knew he would be sad, and he was. Thankfully, I was able to get him to come back out so I could explain things to him. Gabi and Mona came over and heard, too. I was able to tell them that if I go back, I can get help from my church and come back and stay for a really long time. I told them that I wanted to take them all with me, but couldn't. They all got really excited and started acting crazy, haha. I really do want to take Carlos and Tuco with me, but, of course, I can't. They don't have the papers to cross the border. Haha, no, of course I can't take someone else's kids. That would be kidnapping. Unless I got permission.......

I told the worship team that I was leaving. They said that we need to take pictures on Sunday before I leave. That was my plan, haha.

I talked with Luis today, and he's going to help me talk to the girl I like tomorrow. I really want to talk with her before I leave, so, hopefully, I can talk to her at least every day until I leave. I've barely been able to talk to her.

Caesar has been gone for the past three weeks, and he finally came back today. His dad was sick, so Caesar stayed over in Tecate until his dad got better. Apparently, his dad is better now. Praise the Lord.

Oct. 18

I hung out with Luis a lot today. He came over around 10, and I was about to have a time of worship, so he joined me. He came over because I was going to have him help me talk to the girl I like, but when we went to her house, she couldn't talk because her dad was home. Her dad is apparently really jealous of his daughters. Anyway, so she said that she might come to the church later with her sister because I was teaching her English, which I wasn't aware of because her sister said nothing about it to me. So, Luis and I left and went to the church. He asked me what I was going to say to her, and I said I just really wanted to get to know her. While we were talking about it, I got a weird feeling about talking to her. Not like nervousness, but something else, like in my heart. I thought that maybe God was telling me that I shouldn't talk to her, but I wasn't sure. Maybe it was just nervousness, and I was over thinking everything. Maybe not. After Luis left, I prayed that if it was truly meant for me to talk with her that she would come to the church today. If God didn't want me to talk to her, then I prayed that she wouldn't show up.
She didn't. Neither did her sister/. I thought maybe it was because I usually teach English on Fridays and not Thursdays, but I don't know. If it was meant to happen, she would've came to the church anyway, right? I don't know. Pray for me.

I did part of the Bible study tonight. I had to read a certain chapter in Proverbs, pick a verse or a few, and explain what I thought it meant. I read Proverbs 4:7-9. It talks about how important it is to get the wisdom of God before anything else, and we will be exalted and honored. I explained what I felt these verses meant to me, and I feel that I did an ok job. If I knew Spanish a little bit more, things would have flowed a lot smoother, but it's all good. I said what I felt God wanted me to say, and that was that.
I also told everyone at célula, what they call the mini-church service in people's houses, that I was leaving to Michigan. I explained what happened and asked them to pray for me. I forgot to mention that I was leaving this Sunday, though. Oops. Hopefully, I can tell them before Sunday.
We also had arroz con leche and geletina uva, which is rice pudding and grape jello, after célula. So delicious. I was actually hoping we would have jello, and we did. The arroz con leche was definitely a bonus.

After dinner (it was like Mac and cheese, but with spaghetti. Strangely delicious), I played tazos with Carlos. I was tired, so I laid (not sure if this is grammatically correct, but oh well) on the floor. Carlos asked me if I wanted to play the durmiendo juego. In English, the sleeping game.
One day, I was outside playing with the kids. I got really tired, so I laid down on the ground and said, "Yo quiero jugar durmiendo juego. ¡Es mi favorito!" Of course, I was joking about it being a game, but now, every time Carlos and I lay under the stars, he calls it the durmiendo juego. Love it.
Anyway, of course, I agreed. As we lay there, he told me that when I go to Michigan, he was going to cry. I told him I was going to, too. This made me almost cry. He then told me that he couldn't come with me because he didn't have papers. When I ended up telling older Carlos, Claudia, Tuco, Gabi, and Mona that I was leaving, I told them that I wanted to take all of them with me but couldn't because they didn't have papers. I told them other obvious reasons, too, like school and their parents. Anyway, I told him yes and also reminded him of the other reasons. He then started asking me about if my church sold food, and I told him about the cafe at my church. I was supposed to be in the church at 9:30 like everyday, but Carlos just said to wait until Hermano Jesse called me, so I didn't leave until 10:10. I'm really hoping that I can have another time like that with him again. Like I said before, just chilling and talking with him is my favorite thing to do. I'm going to miss that.

Oct. 19

Around lunch time, I was at older Carlos's house. I think they might have asked me if I had eaten yet, and I told them no because I hadn't. Anyway, Claudia brought me a sandwich and said her mom made it for me. I was surprised, but said muchas gracias because I was hungry and grateful. Older Carlos asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner later, and I said yes because 1) I didn't want to be rude, and 2) because I hadn't eaten dinner with them before, and I thought that would be a cool thing to do with them.
I ate dinner with them, but older Carlos was mad because I wouldn't eat inside his house. Their parents weren't home, and I didn't want to go in their house if I didn't have permission from their parents, and I don't want to be on their bad side. It went well, but once the kids started to get a bit roudy and Gabi spilt quite a bit of food on my shorts, I felt it was time to go. I love those kids, so it was all good. I have to admit, though, that I was a little frustrated because of how they were acting, but I'm over it now.

The girl I like didn't come to the church again. I don't know if this is a sign or not.

Oct. 20

At the end of the kids program today, I told the kids that I was leaving. I thought that was going to be all, but Pastora Berenice asked the kids if they wanted to say anything to me. Miguel, who was the first to say something and which also surprised me, said that he didn't want me to go because he loves me. I legit almost cried. Danely said the same thing, which also surprised me. Carlos said God bless you. That was all who said anything, though, but it really showed me the impact I made on these kids's lives. It showed me that my short time here was definitely worth it. Pastora Berenice had all the kids give me a hug and pray for me. Danely led the prayer. It sounded like a good one, but I could only understand some of it. That really was a great way to start my day.

The girl I like came to the church for drama practice today, so I finally told her that I liked her. I told her that if she didn't feel the same way, then that was ok. We could just be friends.
She told me that she liked me, too.
Giant sigh of relief. On the inside, of course. I ended up telling her before that I was leaving tomorrow, but I would be coming back. She told me, after she had said that she liked me, that her parents had told her that they were moving out of Tijuana. Great. Well, if we are meant to be together, then things will work out. If not, then God has a better plan for both of us.

Carlos was playing tazos with Miguel, and Miguel won, so Miguel took Carlos's tazos because they were playing for keeps. Carlos got really upset an started crying. I found out and asked them what happened. They explained what happened, and apparently, Carlos said he was playing a certain way, but Miguel said the opposite. Also, Carlos had lost thirteen tazos, so I understood why he was upset, but still. After talking about the situation with them, they did something else to settle the matter. Miguel ended up winning again, so it ended up the same. I took Carlos inside and read to him Hebrews 13:5, and the part I read said, "Be content with what you have." This is a verse we taught at Metro Kidz last year, and it's definitely a good one to remember. I told Carlos that just playing tazos is fine, but if you play to just get more and more and more, that's not good. I told him that he needs to be happy with what he has. Getting more is fine, but not that way. He understood, but he was still a little sad. I was going to wait until nighttime, but I decided to give him my Luigi t-shirt that I made when I was his age then. I also gave Miguel my Super Mario Galaxy shirt. I'm giving some of my shirts away because 1) I have so many, 2) I need to get rid of some extra weight in my bags, and 3) I want to give the kids something to remember me by. I'm giving a total of eight shirts away. Hopefully to the right people. I feel so far that I'm doing good with that.

I went to a jóvenes confraternidad tonight with the other jóvenes in the church. I wasn't going to at first because I wanted to spend the whole day with the kids, but after explaining to Carlos that they had asked me to go, including the girl I like (I didn't tell him that I liked her or even mentioned her to him, though), he said that it was good. I was afraid that he was going to be upset, but he wasn't, which made me really happy. I had told him that I was going to do a lot of things with him today, so that's why I had to explain to him first.
At first, the conference was ok. I mean, I didn't understand most of what was mentioned, but the music was good. I believe the youth pastor spoke about dreams, like the ones God gives to us, and about how we need to fight for those dreams. At the end of the conference, he had called people up to get prayer. I believe it was for them to receive a dream or to pray about their dreams, but I'm not sure. I didn't understand why people went forward, so I just stayed at my seat and prayed for them. Near the end, a lady tapped my shoulder and said that the youth pastor wanted to talk to me. I was a little scared at first because I wasn't sure if I would be able to understand him. He asked me a question, but with the loud music and me not knowing a lot of Spanish, I told him that I spoke English. He asked me the question in English. He asked me where I was born, and I said the Unites States. He then asked me why I was here. At first, I didn't understand the question, so I said I didn't know. He then started talking to me more in Spanish because he said his English was bad, but I couldn't really understand him because it was really loud. He then prayed for me, and then he ended the conference. I really wanted to know what he said, so I sought him out afterward. After explaining to him that I couldn't hear him too well and wanted to know what he said, he told me what he said:
"In the United States, you had a lot of things, but here, you have nothing. A lot of people would think you were crazy for doing that, but you did it anyway. A lot of people don't come here because of fear of getting killed after crossing the border, but you came across. You're a missionary, right?"
"Y...Yes."
"Kids look for you because you have the love of God. I know when someone has the love of God because I have the love of God, and you have it. Kids need God's love, the love of a father, and you have it. God has great things for you."
He said other things, too, but I feel that those things are just for me. It was so crazy, though. I've never met him before in my life, but he knew that I was a missionary. Not only that, but he also mentioned about kids. That's what I do. I'm a missionary for kids. I knew that when he said those things, that what he said was from God. Insane. God is so amazing. I really hope I get to see Pastor Abi (that's his name. I find it so weird that he has the same name as my mentor, Abi, from the Dream Center) again. He's anointed, and I definitely want to surround myself with those kinds of people. He seems cool, too.

Oct. 21

My last day in Mexico. For now.
Since it was my last day, a lot of stuff happened:

I had asked the girl I like what her favorite colors were the night before so that I could make her a bracelet. I also wanted to make Carlos a new bracelet since his broke, so, during Sunday School, I made those. I also made one for me since mine broke, which happened to be the same colors as the one I made for Carlos. It took me the whole time to make all three of them. Afterward, I gave Carlos his bracelet. I showed him that I had the exact same one. He reminded me that it was Dia del Amigo and told me something about me being his best friend. Then, it was time for service. At first, the girl I like didn't show up. Not only did I want her to be there, but she was in the drama, too. About halfway through worship, she showed up. Usually, the drama is after offering, but it got moved to the end for some reason. Unfortunately, I couldn't remember all of the moves for the drama. We only practiced two different days. Still, though, I feel it went well. I got it on video, so I'll post it on Facebook once I get the chance. After the drama, Pastor Elvis called me up and told the church that I was leaving, but returning soon. He prayed for me and had everyone give me a hug goodbye. Some people said things to me, too. Good things, of course. I feel bad because Betty, one of the jóvenes, said a lot to me, which surprised me because I don't talk to her, but I could only understand a little of what she said. Hermana Gabi gave me her number and told me to make sure to call her to let her know how everything is going. She also called me her son. She had been calling me that for the past week. I have two Mexican moms now, haha. Others said things to me, too. After that, church was over, so everyone went downstairs to eat. I took some pictures with some of the people, which I will also put on Facebook. As I was packing up my guitar, the girl I like came back upstairs. I gave her the bracelet I made her. She was surprised that I made it. She asked me like three times if I made it. She then gave me one of her bracelets, which I'm wearing now. She said it was to remember her by. She then asked me if I wanted to go downstairs to eat, to which I agreed. I wasn't sure what time my friend from San Diego was picking me up, so I wanted to give some things to Tuco, older Carlos, Gabi, and Claudia before I ate. My friend had called me a few days before and told me that he was picking me up on Sunday sometime in the afternoon, but that was it. It was already past 2, so I wanted to make sure I gave the things to Tuco and his siblings before I had to leave. I went to their house and told them that I wanted to give them some things before I left. Their dad was outside, and he said hi to me. He also watched me give the things to his kids. I gave older Carlos my Flash shirt. He had said to me before that he liked how my shirt had a lightning bolt on it, so I thought I would give it to him. I gave Gabi a heart pin that I got from the conference the night before. One day, I was eating a heart-shaped sucker and was with Gabi and Tuco, and I forget why, but I said, "Yo tengo un corazón, y mi corazón es feliz, ¿así?" Then I made this extremely happy face, to which they both laughed and asked me to do it again. Tuco said I looked like a payaso (clown). After that, Gabi would always ask me to do that, but I said I needed a heart to do it. I now had one, to which I gave to her. I should have did it one more time, but I only said the words, to which she giggled. I attempted to give Claudia one of my t-shirts, but she walked away. Her dad made her come back and take it, so she did. Not sure if she was sad or really didn't want to say goodbye because she didn't want to. Hmmm. I gave Tuco my Jesus fish necklace. He had attempted a few days before to take it off me, which means either he wants to wear it or keep it. He did the same thing the next day, so I decided that I would give it to him the day I left. Carlos wanted my other necklace since I gave one to Tuco, but I told him that I already gave him a bracelet just like mine. I wanted to do something with my necklace since the cross is missing now, but now that I've thought about it, I should've just given it to him. I need to show the kids that I don't care about material things, and I need to be selfless, but I also want them to learn not to want everything and to be content with what they have. Well, I'm bringing back a bunch of Jesus fish necklaces to give to the kids, so he'll get a necklace then. I took some photos with them and then went to the church to eat. I was hoping to sit with the girl I like and Carlos, but the girl I like was helping serve the food. After she was done, I looked for her, but Mariana, one of the teens, told me that she left already. Luis said the same thing. I wanted to get a picture with her before I left, so I went with Luis to her house to talk to her. Luis said that she went to a different church at 4, and it was already 3:50. Thankfully, she was still at her house. When I asked her to take a photo with me, she said she didn't want to because she didn't like taking photos. Great. Her brother came over and listened to us talk. Apparently, he's celoso (jealous. We say over-protective, which is what I think they mean) of his sisters like his dad is, and I can tell because almost every time I try to talk to her, he comes out of no where and listens in or sits between us or something of the sort. Kind of annoying. I hope he stops doing that when I come back so that I won't think of him as annoying. That would be bad since he's the brother of the girl I like. Anyway, I asked for her Facebook, so her brother takes my notebook and writes down some email. I thought it might not be hers (which it isn't), but I knew she had to go because she was cooking before, and I knew her brother wouldn't leave so that I could ask her, so I just told them goodbye and left. I wanted to get a picture with Miguel and Moroni, so I went to their house to do so. I then asked them if they wanted to play before I left, but Miguel had to do something first, so I went to the church to wait for him. While I waited, I took some pictures with some more people and with the kids. Tuco came by, so I grabbed him really quick and took a picture with him and Carlos for my phone. That was my goal for the day. 500 achievement points. I then asked Tuco if he wanted to play with us, and he said yes. I played trais (tag) with Carlos, Moroni, Tuco, and Miguel, except with a ball. Miguel only played for a bit, then he went home to do something. I took some photos with Carlos, Tuco, and Moroni, and then we played some more. After we played for a while, my friend showed up. We continued to play because he went to talk to Pastor Elvis, but, after a bit, I knew that I needed to start saying goodbye. Once my friend finished talking to Pastor Elvis, I started putting my bags in his car. Older Carlos came by, and he, Tuco, Moroni, and Carlos helped me put my bags in the car. I told them that it was fine, but they wanted to help, so I let them. Older Carlos asked me about my cereal, which I still had, so I gave him one box and Carlos the other. There was only a bit left in both, but still. Then, it was time for me to go. I started to say bye to the kids, and Hermano Carlos came out of his house. I went up to say bye to him and Hermana Mary, his wife, and to the rest of his family. Carlos was there, and he started to cry. I had to say bye to him again. I picked him up and held him as he cried. I wanted to cry with him, but nothing came out. I told him, "I'm going to miss you so much. I'm going to return. You're my best friend, right?" He nodded. "Promise that you are going to be nice to your sisters and to your mom and dad, and that you are going to be like God, like Jesus." He nodded and said yes. I put him down, said bye once again, and went to the car. The kids decided to give me a hug all at once. I told them that I needed to go, so they let me go. They watched me as I got in the car. As we pulled out, Carlos ran down from his house to see me leave. Right as we took off, I heard Tuco say, "Bye, Daniel!" They watched as we drove away.

The impact I made on their lives in the last two months will never leave my mind. The cool thing about it is it's only the beginning. I'm going to be back very soon in Jesus' name!

Memorable Moments (pt. 6)

If you haven't yet, check out Memorable Moments (pt.1).

Oct. 10

I went to Walmart with Carlos and older Carlos today. We left at 10 even though I talked with Hermano Carlos the day before and agreed to going at 8. I was originally supposed to be going with Hermano Carlos, but he said that Carlos could go with me. Aight. Then, older Carlos asked me if I went to Walmart yesterday, I told him that no and that I was going today, and he said he wanted to go, too. I thought it would be cool if they both came along, so we all went. I made sure to go quick because they had school, even though it was three hours before they had to go to school. On the way back, older Carlos complained the whole way that he wanted water and was tired. Carlos was fine, but older Carlos complained like he was getting paid 50 pesos every time he did. At first, I tried to get him to stop, but after five minutes of constant complaining, I decided to ignore him. Halfway there, older Carlos decided to take a different route than Carlos and me. I noticed that the roads met near the top of the hill, so I ignored him once again. Once we got to the first meeting point, I didn't see older Carlos anywhere. Went to the next road: no one. Went back to the first road, walked to where he should have been walking: no one. I was so fed up. Not only did Carlos have to get home so that he could shower and eat lunch, but older Carlos was no where to be found, and he had my cereal. I knew he knew his way around, but I didn't want to go back to the church without him. Not just because he had my cereal, but I was somewhat supposed to be watching him. I found out that he never asked his mom, so, really, he followed me to Walmart. Still, I didn't want to go back to the church, find out that he never showed up, his parents yell at me, then I would have to leave. Not happening. As all of this went through my head, older Carlos is sitting at the top of the road I was on laughing. I was so frustrated, mad, upset, all of the above. I told him countless times that there was no time to play around and that we needed to get back pronto so that they could get ready for school. Once I reached him, I blew up. Since he did that, so much time was wasted. I explained to him that that wasn't funny and that next time, he was not coming with me. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but, due to my lack of Spanish, I could not. Nothing bad, but like how I didn't want him going off and getting hurt or someone hurting him. I tried explaining that to him as we approached the church, and he said that he was Mexican. In other words, he said he was fine due to the fact that he was Mexican. I told him, "I don't care. You're 12. You're only a kid." He argued that, too. After a bit, he said he was sorry, but I told him that he was really going to have to mean it. He said he did, so I forgave him. I was going to forgive him anyway, but still. I want these kids to learn that when they say something like they're sorry, they need to mean it. I told him later on, after I learned how to say it, that I cared for him and didn't want him getting hurt. He then asked if he could have some of my juice, but I told him no. I was nit about to reward him after what he did. Another thing they need to learn: when you do something wrong, you pay the consequences. He didn't like that, but whatever. God, I pray that he actually learns this concept. In Jesus' name, amen.

Tuco was being really adorable today. In the morning, he asked me to go with him to get a free papaya. I said yes, and he held my hand the whole way. Unfortunately, there weren't anymore. The guy asked me if he was my son. I said no, just a friend. I should've told him that he was pretty much like a son to me. Then, he was mad at me because I didn't take him with me when I went to Walmart. That wasn't adorable, but it's somewhat necessary for the next part. I tried explaining to him that I couldn't (and didn't want to) take a bunch of people with me and that two was enough, but, being a little kid, he was still mad at me. Gabi also wanted to go, but didn't, so she was mad, too. Then, either she or Tuco said something about giving Tuco a sandwich, but I told them that I can't give all of my food away and have to save it. If not, then I have to go back to the U.S. I then asked them if they wanted me to stay or leave. Tuco didn't say anything. Gabi said leave. I don't know if it was because she was mad at me or not, but I said, "OK, adios," and went to the church. After a bit, I heard Tuco and Gabi calling my name. I went outside to where they were and just kept a straight face with them. Gabi asked me if I was leaving, and I told her, "Bueno, tú quieres me salir." Then Tuco said, "Yo quiero tu estar aquí," or something along those lines. Adorable. After a bit, Gabi said that she wanted me to stay, too. Then, they ate lunch. Tuco asked me to wait where I was for him and that he was going to get his food. He came back with his food and asked me if I ate already. I didn't, and so he asked me if I wanted some. I agreed, and Gabi came over and gave me a quesadilla. After that, I was sitting in front of the church, and Tuco came over with these sunglasses that had one of the lenses popped out. He put them on and put his eyes right up to mine. I have no idea what he was doing, but I thought it was adorable. Then, I asked him if he wanted to take a picture, and he said yes, so we took two. Later on, Tuco asked me to give him a sandwich, which made me upset because I had already explained to him why I couldn't. I explained to him again why I couldn't, but then said that I might be able to give him
one later. He then asked me to play cars with him. This was the first time he had asked me to play something like that. Of course, I agreed. David ended up coming to where we were, and we started playing a game with the cars. Tuco asked me again for a sandwich, but this time he came over to me, sat on my lap, and gave me a hug. It was so adorable, I couldn't say no. I told him when we were done playing that I would give him one. It's only a folded piece of bread with peanut butter. I didn't mind too much after that. He's so adorable. I want to adopt him.

Somehow, my D string on my guitar is broken. I don't know how since I didn't even play it yesterday, and it was fine the day before. I used the other guitar for worship practice, and the e string broke on that one. Great. I ended up playing bass. It was so awesome. I felt like a boss. It was really easy to learn, like it took me two minutes. Emmanuel told me that they would get me new strings for Sunday. Sweet.

Oct. 11

Carlos hasn't really talked to me ever since we got back from Walmart. I tried talking with him, but he said he had to take a shower, eat lunch, then go to school. It was two hours before he had to go to school. Hmmm.
I found out later that he had a lot of homework to do, so I understood. Still, he didn't even tell me that. I don't know. Hopefully nothing is up.

Pastor Elvis came to the church around 11:30 today, so I thought it would be a good opportunity for him to talk to one of the pastors from my church in Michigan. Pastor Elvis had asked me if I heard anything from my pastor, and I told him no since my phone hadn't been working right. I said that since it was working now, maybe I could call my church and have him talk to the Spanish-speaking pastor. He agreed. After they talked, they both said that it would be best for me to go back to Michigan for now and raise more support and hopefully get support from my church. Afterward, I could come back here and be financially stable and whatnot. I have mixed feelings about this. I really, really, REALLY don't want to leave, but, if it's God's will, then I will. I'm still wondering why God allowed me to be here if I was just going to go back two months later, but His plan is bigger and better than mine. Maybe there was something He wanted me to see. I don't know. I'll find out soon enough.

I went and played with Tuco and Gabi, and I ended up telling them that I might be leaving. I'm not really sure if Gabi cares, but I could really tell that Tuco was sad. He might have said, "Yo quiero tu quedarse aquí," but I'm not sure. It's hard to understand him sometimes. It's hard to understand his whole family sometimes. He then asked me to play action figures with him. They were like mini-action figures. Anyway, of course I agreed. How could I not? He pretended that his guy was living in this house that he made out of this dirt hill, and I was his friend or something. Then, this bionicle guy attacked us. Then, Tuco's guy moved to a different house at the top of the hill. It was this toy barn silo, but still. Like I said, Tuco is adorable. I'm making the adoption papers right now.
Seriously, I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave the kids. I'm finally starting to get them to not hit me as much and to not ask for my food all of the time. They have food, so it's not like they're starving. If they were, then I would definitely give them food without a doubt in my mind. I want them to know that I'm here to be there for them and to show them God's amazing love, not to give them a sandwich or a cookie. Now that I think they're starting to get that, I might be leaving. God, do Your will. Help it not to hurt so much.

Carlos's family knows now about what happened today. I told the parents and was going to tell them not to tell Carlos, but they did anyway. Hopefully he isn't too sad. It's only a maybe right now. My church is supposed to call me tomorrow and tell me what's up, so I'll find out then. Again, God, let Your will be done. In Jesus' name, amen.

Oct. 12

It poured last night. Lodo: Round 3.

I called my church today. Same news as yesterday. Don't know when, but I'm supposed to get a call back soon.

I hung out with Miguel and Moroni a lot today. More than usual. Carlos was with us, too. They didn't have school today because of the rain. I wish that was the same for my school when I was a kid, haha. We started playing outside, but once I got five pounds of mud on my shoes, I decided that maybe it was better to play inside. Pastor Elvis and his family were here, so it was all good in the hood. Carlos was wearing a shirt today that said that, haha. It was different playing with Miguel and Moroni. No getting hit. No angry kids. No throwing fits. Me gusta.

I hung out with Luis for the second half of the day. I told him about me possibly leaving. He said that I should just get a job here. I tried explaining to him that it can't just be any old job. It would have to line up with my calling. I wouldn't feel right otherwise. I'm not sure if I explained it correctly, but I did His best (His = God's. No more doing things in my own power). I then went with him to Paola's house, and we chilled there for a bit. Then, we went to his house and ate quesadillas. I was supposed to teach English at 7, but no one showed up, so Luis and I went to Carlito's house. I played FIFA12 against Brandon, Carlito's brother, and won. I beat a Mexican at soccer. I was scared. Of course, it was a video game, and I pretty much was just pressing buttons, but still. At 9, Carlito and Luis went to this different church to pray, but first, Luis went with me back to the church. After getting my phone from his house, we went our separate ways. Literally. Good day.

Oct. 13

Three new kids showed up to the Saturday program thing today: Ismael, Delek, and another Miguel. That made me really happy because we haven't had new kids in like the past month. They're all little kids, too, like 5 years old. Double bonus.

I'm a part of the drama team now, starting today. I'm doing this pantomiming thing next Sunday, and the Sunday after that, I'm playing Jesus in another thing. In the other thing, I'm dancing with the girl I like. The thing is, though, that I didn't know that I would be dancing with her. I knew she was the main part, but I didn't think I would have to dance with her. Great. God, help me.

I went to the orphanage with Luis today. Unfortunately, we got there at like 5, but still. I saw Cristofer again and was able to play with him this time. I also saw Christian, Ulysses, and Martin, but none of them said much to me. I met a bunch of new kids, too: Dilcia, Samantha, Amarani, Edwin, Alex, Angel, and Moises. I think I knew Samantha already, but I couldn't remember her name at all. I felt really bad because she knew mine, but I didn't know hers. Oops. Also, today was Amarani's Quincallera, which is her 15th birthday, but it's also the day she matures into a woman, or so it is in Mexican culture. This birthday is a big deal for Mexicans. If I would have known, I would have dressed up or something, but no one told me. Oh well. We had dinner and cake afterward, which was delicious. By the time that ended, it was already dark, so I got a couple pictures with Cristofer that all turned out blurry unfortunately, and a video with Cristofer, Dilcia, and Moises. Hopefully, I'll be able to put it up on Facebook soon. Tyler, one of the directors of the orphanage, gave me $5 to use for the taxi even though I told him that I had enough. It's a good thing he did, though, because we ended up getting on the wrong taxi at one point, so I had to use extra money for that. If I didn't have that $5, I wouldn't have made it home. Thank you, God. Overall: amazing day.

Oct. 14

Tuco got his adorable hair cut. His hair looks like mine when I got mine cut, haha. Well, at least he won't have hair covering his eye anymore.

After church, Luis told me that next Sunday, Pastor Elvis Is making a worship CD with our worship band. Oh man. I'm going to be on a CD.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but there's been these carnival rides down the hill from the church. Ever since they showed up, I've wanted to go on them. Today was the day. I went to the church soccer game with Carlos, and when he got back, he told me that his family was at the carnival. I didn't believe him because he had been making a lot of stuff up today. I also was watching him, so I didn't want to go down to the feria with Carlos when no one told me about it. When Karla and Estefani were walking up the hill to get him, I believed him. We went there, and I went on this little dragon roller coaster. I was definitely too big for it, but he wanted me to go on it with him, so I made myself fit. The thing went around at least 20 times, no joke. I seriously started wondering if the guy was going to ever stop it. Afterward, I went on this one ride with Mary Cruz, who met us there. She goes to our church, and I've talked to her every now and then. The ride went up and down and in a circle all at once. It lifted you out of your seat, which I thought was pretty fun. Mary Cruz didn't think so. Every time the ride went from high to low, she would scream. She ended up linking arms with me. She was pretty scared to begin with. I couldn't help but laugh. Not in a mean way at all, but the fact that I had a screaming girl linked arm-to-arm with me. I kept telling her, "Esta bien, esta bien," but I don't think she believed me. Her big hoop earring flew off while we were on the ride, too. Luckily, we were able to find it afterward. Overall, it was so fun. If I get the chance to go back again, I so am. Oh, also, there's this one ride there that freaks me out: the pirate ship ride. I don't know what it is, but something about going back and forth really high like that makes me feel like I'm going to fall out. There's not that much protecting you, either. The guy running it stopped it while it was as high as it could be in the air. I legit freaked out just by looking at it. A few nights ago, I had two nightmares about that dumb ride. In the first one, I was on it with Carlos, and he fell out. I had to grab on to his arm and try to pull him back in which it was moving. Terrifying. In the second one, I was on it, and it collapsed. I think I survived, but still. Rides like that are the only ones I don't like going on. Every other one: legooooo.

Oct. 15

I went to Hermana Gabi's house again to use the Internet. When I got there, one of her sons, Diego, was listening to Dubstep. That made me happy. While I was there, Hermana Gabi gave me breakfast, lunch, and a little snack, too. She blessed me so much. I also talked to her about everything that has been going on, like with my church and possibly going back to Michigan. She said that sometimes, we have to do things we don't want to do or don't like to do, but we need to do them. I knew that, but I definitely needed to be reminded of it. She said that it's also better to talk to my pastor in person rather than over the phone, which is definitely true. When I left, she gave me two donuts to eat. Thank ya, Jesus.

Oct. 16

My church called me this morning. I'm going back to Michigan next Tuesday. Not to stay (as far as I know), but so that I can talk with the pastors from my church and really get a solid support system. I prayed that if God wanted me to go back to Michigan, then everything would work out for everyone involved. As of now, everything is working out great. Unfortunately. Lol. I'm leaving Mexico Sunday evening.

I told Hermano Jesse and Hermano Carlos that I was leaving. I made sure to tell them not to tell anyone just yet. I'm trying to be cautious with who I tell this to. I feel that it might be better that way. I definitely want to wait to tell the kids.

Hands down, Tuco is officially the most adorable kid ever. HE came over to me and motioned for me to pick him up three different times today. When a kid does that, I find it extremely adorable. He wins the turkey.

I told Luis that I was leaving. He said that I need to be here when he gets married. He actually proposed to his fiancee, Susana, two weeks ago. I believe he said that they were planning to get married in February, so I gotta make sure I get the ball rollin' to get back here in time for that.

I ended up telling Carlos that I was leaving. I wasn't going to because I didn't want him to be sad, but I had to. He asked me to play my iPod because I had gotten new games on it and showed them to him yesterday, but I told him no because I wanted to spend time with him, but I couldn't if he was playing my iPod. At first, I told him that I might not have much time here because I might have to go back to Michigan, but I stopped myself and told him that not maybe, but that I was leaving to Michigan. I couldn't lie to him. I can't lie. I could tell that he was about to cry, but he did his best to hold it in. I told him that since I didn't have that much time here, I wanted to do as many things with him as possible, but, if he played my iPod, then I couldn't do things with him because he'd be playing my iPod alone, and I don't have any multiplayer games. He then told me that he only wanted to play it one more time. I told him that after dinner he could play with it. I then told him that I needed to talk to Pastor Elvis about me leaving, so I told him to wait. I also told him to make sure that he didn't tell anyone for multiple reasons. He gave me a hug, and I went to talk to Pastor Elvis. When I got up to walk, Carlos gave me another hug. Overtaken by adorableness, I picked him up and held him for a while. I didn't want to let him go, but I had to so that I could talk to Pastor Elvis.

After telling Pastor Elvis everything about me leaving, he said that they all were going to be sad, but it's good that I am so that I can get the support I need. He also said that he was going to help me put a video together and gather my pictures together onto a disk so that I could show them to my church and everyone else. Amen.

While I was outside in front of Carlos's house with Carlos playing with my iPod and sitting with some of his family and Luis, I saw one guy running pretty fast up the garbage area. A couple seconds later, another guy did the same. I didn't think anything of it, but then Hermano Carlos told us to go in his house as he was walking down the hill to see what was up. I heard what sounded like shooting, but I thought it was too quiet for shooting, so, again, I thought nothing of it. After that, Hermano Carlos and Luis told me that the one guy was chasing after the other with a gun, and that what I heard was shots going off, but with a silencer. I then thought back to before that, and I realized that I was going to sit in front of the church with Carlos, but he decided that he wanted to sit by his house. If I would've sat with Carlos by the church, right where those guys ran by, something could have happened. I started thanking God for changing Carlos's mind and keeping us by Carlos's house out of harm's way. Again, God, thank You.

I've thought about it, and I feel that it's better to tell everyone that I'm leaving before the day I leave. I was going to wait until Sunday to tell everyone, but I think it's better to do it before. I might wait to tell the kids, though, until Saturday. I don't want them to be sad longer than they're going to be. I told Carlos, but that's because I couldn't lie to him. I can't lie to anyone, nor do I want to, so I'm not going to mention anything about it unless asked.

Memorable Moments (pt. 5)

If you haven't yet, check out Memorable Moments (pt. 1).

Oct. 3

I met those Americans today. Carlos wanted to meet them, but at first, his dad said no because they were working, so I didn't go at that time, either. I then remembered that older Carlos tried talking to me earlier, but I was spending time with Jesus at that time, so I couldn't. I went to find him to see what he wanted, and he was with the Americans. I went to where he was, and Tuco, Gabi, Kevin, other Jesús, and some of the other kids were there, too. I met Diane and the other two guys that she was with, and they're from Oregon. Apparently, they're here until the second week of November. They got here on Sunday. They're building a bigger church for Kevin's dad. Kevin's dad is a pastor of a church nearby, but it's pretty small, so they're building him a bigger one. Also, in a week and a half, six more people are coming here, three are leaving, then, in November, six more are coming. None of them speak Spanish. This doesn't surprise me. They're pretty ok people. Apparently, they were here in March, and they already knew Tuco and Kevin. Possibly more, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I talked with them for a bit since they weren't really doing anything, then I got Carlos so he could meet them. He talked to Diane in English, but only for a bit. He was being really shy. Of course, he only knows a few phrases in English, but still. I told Carlos's dad that we'd only talk with them for a bit, so after a few minutes, we left. I'll probably see them again soon. They better not take my kids away from me. Lol, jk. But seriously.

Hermano Carlos has been building a house (I think) for the past several days, so he's been having one of the kids stay home from school to watch Kevin, Carlos's one year-old brother. It's where Carlos's family used to hang up their clothes, which is right next door. I'll refer to Carlos's little brother as little Kevin. Anyway, I guess it was Carlos's turn to watch him, which I don't know why since Carlos is only seven and can't do certain things that little Kevin needs, but Hermano Carlos asked me if I could help watch little Kevin, which I agreed to. I wasn't doing anything today anyway. It was a little more harder than I thought. At first, little Kevin was sleeping, so it was fine, but then something happened, and I started tickling Carlos. To get me to stop, instead of saying stop, he yelled little Kevin's name, which after a bit woke little Kevin up. That made me a little upset. Then I had to really watch little Kevin like a hawk because he was walking around. Carlos kept on doing things to little Kevin, like picking him up when he really can't and giving him things that aren't good for babies to have, so I had to keep on telling Carlos to stop. Pretty annoying.

While I was watching little Kevin, Carlos wanted me to help him make a kite. Like homemade. I did the best I could with what he had, but it came out pretty bad. It was too small, so it wouldn't fly. I told him that we could build another one tomorrow. That is, if he can get the materials again.

I had another episode with Jesús and Carlos today. Apparently, they're mad at each other again because they both claim that whenever we're going to play a game, the other says, "Nah, otra juego, otra juego," which is a ridiculous reason to be mad at someone. I told both of them separately that this was ridiculous and that this needed to stop. Carlos was going to say sorry to Jesús, but Jesús wouldn't listen. I got really sick of it, so I got the pastor to talk to them. He did and said everything was fine with them, but things really weren't. Right when the pastor left, Carlos said he didn't want to play anymore and was going home. He was crying. Jesús didn't really say anything. Then Karla came by and started asking Carlos why he was crying. I told her that this wasn't for her, but she kept on antagonizing him. I told her to stop causing trouble and that I needed to talk with him, but then Caesar came by and said that she wasn't causing trouble and that Hermano Carlos didn't know where Carlos was and was looking for him. Karla didn't say anything about that, and Caesar and Hermano Carlos both saw me walk with Carlos into the church. I didn't think of that at the time, so Carlos went home, Jesús left, and I looked like an idiot. I was so fed up with the whole thing. Here I was, trying to solve an issue that had been going on for a while, almost succeeded on my own, but then asked for help. I really don't know if what Pastor Elvis said to them really made anything better, but I know that Karla and Caesar didn't make things better. I felt that everything I tried to do was pointless and didn't solve anything. I felt that maybe if I knew more Spanish that I would be able to help more. I felt useless. I went behind the church and prayed. Most of the time, I just sat there and listened for God's voice. After a while of just talking at God about how mad I was at the situation and listening for His voice, I broke down. I started crying and asked God to just say something to me. I told Him that I felt alone and really needed someone to talk to that would understand me. He then reminded me that just because He wasn't physically there didn't mean that He wasn't there. He also reminded me how much I had been there for the kids and how hard I've been trying to help them. I asked Him to help me feel like I was doing something, like being here was worth it. I asked Him to give me peace. I asked Him to help me to stop being mad at Karla and Caesar. He did all of those things. God is so amazing. Please pray this doesn't happen again and that God continues to help me in all things.

Carlos's mom said that she was like my mom and that Hermano Carlos was like my dad. Then Carlos started calling me his brother. Lol.

Oct. 4

This is the third night in a row that I've had a dream about being at the Dallas Metro Dream Center. I really do miss that place a lot, but is this like a sign or something? I would love to go back there, but I don't know. I definitely need to pray about this.

After praying a lot, God told me to just continue doing what I'm doing, and He'll reveal to me in His time what's next. I was so glad to hear from Him.

Mexicans ask awkward questions. In front of all of his kids, Hermano Carlos asked me who's cooking I liked better: his, Hermana Gabi, or Hermana Maida. I really like all of the cooking, but I've only had Hermana Gabi and Hermana Maida's cooking once. I told him all of the cooking, which is true, but Hermana Gabi made porkchops, salad, and really good pasta. Again, I only had her cooking once, but it was really good. I've been eating with Hermano Carlos every day for the past month, and there's only been like two things I haven't liked. What am I supposed to say to the person who provides me with meals everyday? Awkward question.

Older Carlos got in a fight with some other kid today. It really happened out of nowhere. I was playing karate with the other kids, and Tuco and David had these really long sticks. Some other kids were walking home from school, and Tuco was waving his stick at the kids and almost hit one of them. I went over to where Tuco was and took his stick from him and told him that it was only for playing and not for real. He then walked to the side of the road where Leo and Gabi and the other kids were. I walked with him, and as soon as I turned around, older Carlos and this other kid were legit fighting, like full-out fist fighting. At first, I wasn't sure if I should've broken it up or stayed out of it, so I just stood to the side, but once I saw the other kid punch older Carlos in the head hard - and I mean hard - I decided it was time for me to do something. I walked over to them and broke it up. It was a little harder than I thought it was going to be, but I separated them. Luckily, I know a decent amount of Spanish to tell them that that was enough. I asked older Carlos why he was hitting that kid, but he didn't answer. He just stood looking angrily at the other kid. The other kid was doing the same. I then told the other kid that that was enough and that he needed to leave, so he did along with his friends that were watching. Then, older Carlos walked over to where Tuco, Gabi, and the other kids were and then went to his house. Kevin and Claudia were mad at me for stopping the fight, but I didn't care. None of my kids are fighting anybody while I'm around. Also, it's not good for anyone to fight. Except for war, but you know what I mean. I wanted to find out why older Carlos was fighting with that kid, but I decided to wait a bit for him to cool down. I found him a few minutes later and talked with him. First, I asked him why he was fighting that kid. He said it was because the kid stabbed him with a pen in school, and he showed me the mark. I then started to tell him that fighting was bad, but he interrupted me and said, "Ya, ya. Peleando malo. Yo malo." I told him that yes, fighting is bad, but he isn't bad. I did my best to explain to him that sometimes, when someone gets mad, they do things that aren't good. I tried to tell him that it happens, but I didn't know the word for happens, so I switched it up. I told him that the reason why I stopped the fight was because I was trying to protect him. I told him that maybe the kid could've punched him in the head really hard, and he could've fell to the ground, his head bleeding a lot, and he could've went to the hospital. Then I said, "Carlos, te amo, y yo no quiero ver tu recibiendo duele." I then told him that if that kid wanted to fight him again, that he could just tell me, and, even though I don't know much Spanish, I could talk to the kid. At that, he laughed. Not 100% sure why, but I think it was because of the way I demonstrated it. I sometimes act what I'm saying. Anyway, I told him that I was here for him, and he gave me a hug and called me his papa again, haha.
I then realized why I am here: to help these kids. Yeah, it's kind of obvious, but I mean with life situations, like what happened today. If I wasn't there to break up that fight, it could've went on until one of them was on the ground. I'm here not only to play with the kids, but to teach them right from wrong and to show them how to live Godly lives. No one else is showing older Carlos, so I got to. God, fill me with Your love, wisdom, peace, joy, and everything else about You, and help me to continue helping these kids. I can't do it without You.

Oct. 5

Older Carlos fought that kid in school and got in trouble. I think the paper said that he has in-school suspension on Monday. Great. Well, I did Your best, God. Continue to work at his heart, God.

I went to a young adult conference. I thought that maybe I could understand some of it, but I didn't. Well, I understood some, but not a lot. The speaker read from Daniel 3 which is the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I think he talked about how God is faithful through everything. True that.

Oct. 6

I was supposed to go to the orphanage today with Luis, but after his drama class was over, it was already 3. It takes an hour to get there, and it gets dark at 7, so I'd maybe have three hours there. Maybe. And the conference is continuing today, but now it's for everyone. I know Luis wants to go to it. He said it was no problem for him, but still. Hopefully, things go quicker next week, and maybe I'll have more time at the orphanage.

Matthew 6 is an amazing chapter of the Bible. So much good stuff. Check it out. You'd be glad that you did.

While I was playing with Carlos, older Carlos, and Estefani, I saw this one lady with her little girls carrying these huge bags of clothes. The bags of clothes happened to be the ones that were donated to the church several days ago. I could tell that they were struggling, so I decided to ask them if they wanted help, to which the mom said yes. Carlos and the other kids said that I wasn't allowed to help her and that they were going to tell Hermano Jesse if I did. Carlos then said that I needed to ask Hermano Jesse, but I told Carlos to ask for me, and I left. The lady's house wasn't too far, but it was almost at the top of the hill, and I was at the bottom. I've figured out that Baja California is one giant cluster of hills. You're either going up hill or down hill. Anyway, I helped them carry the bags to their house, and the mom thanked me for helping her.
This brought to my attention another reason why I'm here: to help and serve whenever and wherever I can. I'm here to bring Jesus to these people. Jesus lived a servant's life. He did tons of things that weren't fit for who He actually was. He served when people should've been serving Him. He should've been living as a king, but He chose to serve, and that's the greatest example of servanthood. I want my life to be a living example of what Jesus did: serving whenever and whoever needed it. These people need Jesus, and serving is one way to do it. After all, actions speak louder than words.

It seems as if all the young adults have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Except for me. Well, not all of them, but about 90% of them, and that's a lot since they're aren't many of us. It's kind of awkward for me, but only when they're all together with their significant other. For example, yesterday, we went to the second part of the conference, and all the couples were sitting with each other doing couple things. I was sitting next to one of the couples, and my leg was next to the other guy's leg. In Mexico, it really doesn't matter how many people are in one car, so there was about 12 of us crammed in a 7-seater van like a bad game of Tetris. Well, at least in the area where I was sitting. In other words, I was sitting in a way that my leg was right next to both of the people. The girl reached over to pinch the guy's leg in a flirtatious manner, but she wasn't looking. You probably know the rest. Awkward. So, as you can see, it's a little awkward for me. Luis also jokes around about this one girl liking me. Ever since last weekend, he's been doing this every time she's around. The thing is, though, I kind of like her, so part of me hopes that he's not joking. She enjoys working with kids, is awesome to be around, and she's beautiful. I only say beautiful when I absolutely mean it, too. I need to find out her heart and see what path she feels God is telling her to go with her life, and hopefully it's on the same path as mine. Pray for me?

Oct. 7

So I ended up telling Luis that I liked that girl. I hope things don't turn out bad.

At the end of church, Pastor Elvis had the people come up if they had any problems that they needed to give to God. I'm about 95% sure that's what it was. I was praying in the Spirit over the people who were up there since I wasn't sure exactly why everyone was up there. While doing this, I asked God to show me what they were going through so that I knew exactly what to pray for. I felt Him tell me that someone was struggling with breathing and that I needed to pray for them. I felt like I should go up and announce it on the mic, but I couldn't find a good opportunity, plus I was nervous, so I asked God that if it was truly Him to show me who it was and that I would pray for that person privately, like not in front of the church, but only with them. After church, I went to Mary Cruz's house for lunch, and Hermana Maida came a little after I did. Once she made it, she was breathing pretty heavy and said that she couldn't sit down until she caught her breath. Once I saw this, I realized that it was her that God had asked me to pray for. After she and her daughter finished eating, they got up to leave. As they approached the door, I knew that I needed to pray for her, so I asked God to give me the words to say, and I stopped her before she left. I asked her if she had trouble with breathing, and she said that when she walks, a little, but when she works, it's really hard for her. She said that the doctor told her that her right lung was only working at 30% capacity, but that it was normal or something, and that she has something in her body to help her lung. She said her other lung worked fine. When she told me this, I thought to myself, "This isn't normal. What is she talking about? This isn't from God at all." I then asked her if I could pray for her, and she agreed, so I did. Afterward, she said thank you, but I don't really know if she was better. She left right afterward, so I didn't get the chance to see if she was really better. I'm believing and praying that she is. I'm just praying that she is doing the same. God, continue to be with her, and supernaturally touch her body with Your divine healing power. In Jesus' name, amen.

My mom called me today, and I was able to tell her what was going on with my phone. Hopefully things can get fixed. I haven't been able to call anyone for the past week. Actually, things aren't that bad without my phone. I'm able to focus solely what's going on here, plus I'm not using my minutes. Maybe it's better that I can't call anyone.

Oct. 8

I watched Kevin again today, but alone this time. At one point, Kevin started crying a lot, and Hermano Carlos said to bring Kevin outside where he was working if Kevin started crying, so I did. Another guy was working with Hermano Carlos, and he kept referring to me as "guerdo", which I'm pretty sure is slang for "white person", so it's pretty much like he's calling me "cracker". It bothers me a little bit, especially since I told him my name. I don't call him "beaner", so why should he call me that? I wouldn't anyway, but still. It was also pretty hard to understand what he was saying half the time, too. He would ask me if I understood what he said, like if I knew what the words he said meant, and I wanted to say, "No, porque tú no decir muy bien," but I thought that would be rude, so I didn't. I found out later from Hermano Carlos that the guy isn't a Christian, drinks a lot, and does drugs. That explains his speaking habits. Hermano Carlos also said he's been trying to get him to church, too, but the guy doesn't want to. Yet. Much prayer is needed for him.

When I brought Kevin to Hermano Carlos, Tuco and Gabi saw me and asked me to go where they were. Unfortunately, since I was watching Kevin, I couldn't. I felt really bad because they haven't actually asked me to come to where they were in a while. Now that they were asking me to, I couldn't. Well, Gabi does, but Tuco hasn't for a while, and Tuco is one of my favorite kids. I think it's mostly because he's five, and I like working with that age group. Plus, he's adorable, so how could I ever say no to playing with him? He's also a good kid, too, when he's not around his siblings. There's a lot of reasons. Anyway, hopefully, that will happen again, and, hopefully, I'll be able to play with them.

I want cereal. BAD. I like cereal. A lot. If you feel led, send me some money so I can buy some. Please.

Oct. 9

The same incident happened with Tuco and Gabi today, only, this time, I was able to play with them. Leo and David were there, too. I'm really glad I was able to play with them. I want to make sure that I still have a relationship with them, but, if I don't do anything with them, then they won't talk to me or anything. Also, I really enjoy playing with them. One of the things Tuco asked me to do was race him. I thought it was adorable and kind of funny since I am so much bigger than him, but I raced him anyway. I made sure that we tied, though. Then, Gabi started racing with us. I felt bad for Tuco since Gabi and I are faster than him, so, in the last race, I picked him up and ran with him. We won, haha. Man, I love those kids. God, continue to change their hearts. I also pray that Tuco isn't led astray by his siblings. He's really a good kid, and I want him to stay that way. I'm sure You do, too. En el nombre de Jesús, amen.

God continues to show up with blessings. As I was walking today, Hermana Leo saw me and asked me to sit with her and her husband and some other guy, I think. She then offered me a whole pomegranate, which I said yes to. At first, I didn't realize that she was going to give me a whole one, but she did, and it was pretty big. Unfortunately, I had to leave like right after she gave it to me because Hermano Carlos wanted me to watch Kevin. Later on, Hermana Leo made me a big Tupperware bowl full of Mexican rice. Muy delicioso. God, thank You so much for providing, and thank You so much for Hermana Leo. She blesses me a lot. Please bless her overabundantly. En el nombre de Jesús, amen.

Long story short: Karla went to hit Carlos because Carlos did something, and she had scissors in her hand. I told her, "Uh, not with those." She then hit my leg as a way of telling me to shut up. I then said, "Um, excuse me?" She did it again. I got up and told her, "Excuse me, but you don't hit me." She pretended to ignore me and talked to Carlos. Fed up, I straight up said, "Ok, whatever. I'm talking with your dad." So I did. She and Estefani have been hitting me and lying to me almost all the time, and I'm sick of it. I dislike hitting, and I have a strong pet-peeve against lying. Homie don't play dat.